come on along, it won't take long

Remember the silence of the winter night that finally reunited you with the reason of your living, your mom. Remember the lights of the streets and the passing cars that iluminated her face with temporary quick flashes. Remember how she let your warm young hand rest in her soft palm as you drove in silence. The smile that was deeper than physical, the way your heart and yourself were finally enwrapped. Remember how much you had missed her, how many days you had counted for this moment in which every detail jumped as extraordinary. Remember how you were loved with such intensity and truth.
Now remember his hugs. Remember the way your hand fit perfectly into his. His nuckles wide enough to let your cold fingers slip in between and be embraced by his. Remember how you looked at him, almost seeing your reflection in his watery eyes. With such love did he stare back, compassionatly and protectively. Remember the joy he took with every smile you shared with him. Your brother, your companion and guider through life.

The mirror seemed like a picture, taken by a shaking hand and blurred to the eyesight. My eyes stared back at themselves, focusing on nothing but the faded colors and shadows around them. The cold yellow light escaped from the bulbs above and emphasized the stillness in the bathroom. My hands shaking, I grabbed the cup beside the sink and opened the squeaking tap to pour water in. My eyes never leaving their reflection. The overflowing water dripped down one hand, I held the weight of a thousand pounds compacted in fifteen pills on my other hand. My eyes never leaving their reflection. My arm pulled my hand away from the tap, carrying the cup closer to my mouth. I closed my fingers, forming a fist around the dry pills. I could feel every curve, every hard edge and ending point of every single one. My eyes never leaving their reflection. My breathing seemed to fill my ears with noise. It suddenly became a task, as if I had to think of how to fill my lungs. My fist tightened, my nails digging into my palms.
A sudden movement, a tiny dark shadow crossed across the light bulb ontop of the mirror. I was shaken awake. My eyes darted towards the fly. Everything gained it's reality back. My naked shoulders suddenly asked for cover. My fist released it's grasp, pills falling and bouncing on the white tile that held my cold bare feet. The fly desperatly tried to get to the light, as if inside something was hidden, an unknown attraction that led to such desire. I watched it flutter around, dance between the air and constantly crash with the mirror or the light bulb itself. It simply kept on going.
Maybe I stood there for minutes, maybe hours. I unlocked the bathroom door and stepped out. I followed my feet down the stairs, feeling weightless and vulnerable. I sat in my empty living room, perfectly organized, naked. My empty hands rested on my knees.
I let my head fall back on the pillow. I closed my eyes. I smiled; I hadn't let my reflection lose myself.

His innosence faded with the sound of his harsh voice, the look in his frowning eyes, and the stength of his closed fist. He had yelled for the words he could not find inside his lonley mind. I had seen him smile, once, along with my body underneath his and passion muting truth. I had felt his love once too. Yet reality increased its volume, and soon I could not hear anything except his bangs and screams and punches on the wall. I dedicated my days on recreating the series of events, trying to understand how one so loving could so suddenly change. I held on to those moments in which I saw his eyes focus on mine, in which his trembling hands wondered on my body, in which I had fallen so deeply in love. I could not let go; I needed to save him. Yet his eyes avoided mine and his hands rarley caressed my skin.
My feet submerged inside, the cold roaring water drowned them. My toes clenched around the rocky surface, feeling the force of the river pull on my weight. The warmth of the morning let clouds of steam swim ontop of the water, surrounding my body with a gentle touch. My shoulders shivered in the bare wind, the summer morning breathing shivers down my back.
I cannot save him. His heart is far too lost behind his lonley mind. I can only let him go. For now is the time when the colours on the ground will grow to fill my eyes with joy, when the heat in the air will hug my body, and when each breath I take I will let me move on.