&webuildupcastles

The mirror seemed like a picture, taken by a shaking hand and blurred to the eyesight. My eyes stared back at themselves, focusing on nothing but the faded colors and shadows around them. The cold yellow light escaped from the bulbs above and emphasized the stillness in the bathroom. My hands shaking, I grabbed the cup beside the sink and opened the squeaking tap to pour water in. My eyes never leaving their reflection. The overflowing water dripped down one hand, I held the weight of a thousand pounds compacted in fifteen pills on my other hand. My eyes never leaving their reflection. My arm pulled my hand away from the tap, carrying the cup closer to my mouth. I closed my fingers, forming a fist around the dry pills. I could feel every curve, every hard edge and ending point of every single one. My eyes never leaving their reflection. My breathing seemed to fill my ears with noise. It suddenly became a task, as if I had to think of how to fill my lungs. My fist tightened, my nails digging into my palms.
A sudden movement, a tiny dark shadow crossed across the light bulb ontop of the mirror. I was shaken awake. My eyes darted towards the fly. Everything gained it's reality back. My naked shoulders suddenly asked for cover. My fist released it's grasp, pills falling and bouncing on the white tile that held my cold bare feet. The fly desperatly tried to get to the light, as if inside something was hidden, an unknown attraction that led to such desire. I watched it flutter around, dance between the air and constantly crash with the mirror or the light bulb itself. It simply kept on going.
Maybe I stood there for minutes, maybe hours. I unlocked the bathroom door and stepped out. I followed my feet down the stairs, feeling weightless and vulnerable. I sat in my empty living room, perfectly organized, naked. My empty hands rested on my knees.
I let my head fall back on the pillow. I closed my eyes. I smiled; I hadn't let my reflection lose myself.